Bang Bang

I'm going friends only. I didn't know you had to manually change all of your past entries. How fucked up is that? It's going to take me foreverrrrr *sobs*

So all Christmas shopping is done. Running on low sleep, am off to work in 2 hours. Gah, who works at a health food store on Christmas eve? WHY ARE WE OPEN!?!?!? AND SO LATE @#%&())@#(%&*@)#*(%&)%&@#%&@)#(%& *bombs healthy life*

:))

Mum and Mick bought me a PS2, now, normally i wouldn't be fussed, but because of my alias mishaps i'm needing a new machine for those dvd's. :-L AND! I won't have to get a dvd player for when i move out (thank god)

I've been spending a lot of time at Zoe's house this week. I think it's good for her siblings because they get very bored on the holidays, whenever i rock up my inner child just bursts out and we're running around having water bomb fights and playing spotlight adn tiggy. Zoe told me she hadn't had so much fun in a long time. THat's nice. I was getting sick of being constantly drunk. My inner child was drowning in scotch :D

So yeah, Steve bought me Requiem for a dream.....funny that, i already have it -.-;;;; *laughs* Steve makes me laugh :)) he has the worst luck. Hmmm what else...Oh yes *wibbles* My extended edition is at Dad's. *dies* Although i don't know where he has it, at his actual house (ten mins from me) or his estate in ormeau (40 mins from me) *dies* So...dude i have to chase that up soon *wibbles* I can't stay away from my box sets.

Oh and dude, i found this fucking hilarious journal today. I was looking for Sarkney communities :)) And dude. Cat you must check this journal out. It reminds me so much fo the blogs. It's fucking funny though! http://www.livejournal.com/users/mr_sark/ -.- i'm going to die if i forget to find the link. I've got a million pages open at the moment.

So, shopping, I bought mum a huge book on the history of the rolling stones. I mean the thing is giant. I could barely carry it around the shops :)) So i had to give it to Legoloo to look after :x@him. I also got mum this ceramic plaque that says "Welcome to my Garden" with little pixies all over it. So she'll love that no doubt. Mick got an Aretha Franklin 3 CD box set. And for both of them Roy and HG complete box set of the dream on dvd. Juanita is getting her windows of her car tinted >.O so much money. Andddddddd that's it.

8-| i've totally wiped out my bank account and that's just with family -.- arrrrgh. :)) I'm going friends shopping next week 8-| with my huge bulging pay that i won't be getting -.-;;;

:-L I can't believe i'm buying riley the god damn TTT extended edition. )@#$(%&@)#(%* Damn him, he just had to go and get me a bust of pippin that cost him 180 )@#*%&@()#%* fucking hand painted *()&#%)*(@#% reh.

Not that i'm not insanely in love with my pippin bust.

And i don't kiss him good night every night.

*thinks about her pippin bust*

*sighs dreamily*

So Dude, I took Legoloo to get his Christmas present. He got a 15 dollar wash, polish and buff :D And then i pumped up his tires, checked his oil and water and filled him to the top with petrol. He was so happy. He was just bouncing around town being his usual kick ass self.

(note to self: Stop getting so attached to your car, remember what happened last time?!)

:)) Man, i was more upset about Legoloo Snr being all smashed up then my torn apart body :)) :-s The wounds didn't hurt until they towed my baby away :(

So now i'm looking after my darling Legoloo Baby Blue. And he's doing so well. He's going to the dr's next week to get his oil pressure switch looked at, apparantely when i bought him his new alternator the auto electrician noticed a little flaw in the oil pressure switch. So we'll get it all checked out.

*hugs her darling legoloo*

I don't need a man, I have my car :D

Anyway, i'm going to go play Fellowship of the ring. :D \:D/ Except i have to fight the balrog *whimpers* not cool man.

OH WAIT!

Dude

Zoe and I were talking about Christmas yesterday, and we were saying how we must be the devil spawns or antichrist or something. :)) Because both of us have received not a single piece of christmas mail. :| :)) So i'm sending her a card today. :D It'll be late -.- but that's ok. Still....i was thinking about it later and it made me laugh. I feel like a repellent for Christmas cheer. It just deflects off me. :D

coffee.

good.

yes.

study.

bad.

no.

should not have fucked around on yahoo last night.

but webcam with zoe was so fun.

ahahahah

lesbians.

hahahhahhhahaha

coffee.

cofffffffeeeeeeeeee

I can't think of them all -.-
[1] Zoolander
[2] Wuthering Heights ;D
[3] Fellowship of the Ring
[4] Donnie Darko
[5] Requiem for a Dream
[6] Queen of the Damn
[7] Interview with the Vampire
[8] French Kiss :))
[9] Gone in 60 seconds
[10] Fast and the furious but i htink the disc is missing

Ten CDs You Own:

[1] Evanescence: Fallen
[2] Lord of the rings: The Fellowship of the ring soundtrack
[3] ": The Two Towers Soundtrack
[4] Justin Timberlake: Justified
[5] asadfsdfcasd;fo0i320 : Flamenco Guitar
[6] Chicaasdiofasdfjscf: More flamenco guitar :))
[7] Smashing Pumpkins: Mellon Collie and the infannentenntantnanentn sadness -.- i'm tired and overstudied :))
[8] um....god i can't htink oh josh groban
[9] Eminem?
[10] um...OH GIRLS NIGHT OUT!

Last 2 Movies You Have Seen In The Theaters
[1] Pirates of the Carabean <--spelt wrong :D
[2] god before that it was...shit...i can't remember...probably Old School...fuck.

Two Recent Movies You Want To See
[1] Tomb Raider 2 :| I still haven't seen it :))
[2] Kill Bill -.- i have no timeeeeeeeee

Three Movies You Need To Buy!
[1] Schindlers List
[2] TTT: EE (when it comes out) \:D/ Same
[3] Pirate of the Carribean (when it comes out) \:D/ same :)) I need to buy the alias dvd when it arrives too :| *glares at pussy

Five Bands You Have Seen In Concert
[1] Jebediah
[2] Mellon Colin god spelling sucks
[3] Marilyn Manson ... years ago at big day out....he was mildly pleasant :)) I love his lyrics :s
[4] Jerk
[5] O.o I saw Ja Rule in brisbane...but he was just walking aorund :s :))

Five Bands You Want To See Really Badly!
[1] Justin
[2] Justin
[3] Justin
[4] Justin
[5] :O Queen. :)) (Justin rocks my body >:) ungh)

Name All of the Countries You Have Been In
[1] Australia...

:( the end.

Top 5 Places You'd Like To Live
[1] London
[2] Toronto (;;)@em)
[3] Melbourne
[4] Venice (/:)@brigi)
[5] Glasgow. :D :)) Only because it's the only scottish city i know and i love scottland =p~

Top 3 Dream Jobs
[1] Actor :D
[2] Wife beater
[3] Object of every hot man's lust :D

Five Stores You Could Spend A Million Dollars At:
[1] Angus and Robertsons :|
[2] Myer :|
[3] Coles...O.o well...groceries count right? :)) I"m not big on the money spending :s
[4] The Body Shop =p~
[5] :O The Christian Dior boutique in surfers =p~

i should be studying

damn you survey

Alright it's 5.53am. -.- I'm about to go kill myself at Carseldine. My essay is due and then i have to present my seminar from way back when i had my panic attack :))

O.o

I hope i remember it

hahahahaha

ohhhh shit i'm so screwed.

AND TIRED

@)#%&*@#)%

But i had a fucking great dream about dom and a nice car >:)

So all is well yes?

*steals a leaf from aut's book*

Buller.

:D

:)) I just love that word. What the hell does it mean anyway? :)) BULLER

\:D/

MUAH

Agagaagahahahah this essay is so shit 8-| Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaunty

hahhahah

I have to pee

I think i need to take speed or something.

kill.me.now.

i hate being an actor.

O.o don't tell jo

:))

-.-

How am i supposed to keep up with this rehearsal regime AND complete these other assignments :(( Seriously i want to cry.

CRY

SOB

DIE

)@#*(%&@)#*

My legs hurt so much. We've been working on the suzuki method. :| Fuck you suzuki. Seriously i did not sign up for this course to endure 6 hour days, five days a week of constant physical fucken theatre. :s my legs are tearing apart at the seams. :(

And i have a seminar presentation tomorrow :))

shit.

SHIT.

This is why i am in love with adrien brody

( OH FUCK YES )

AHAHAHA I AM NEARLY DONE \:D/

Seriously...i'm never rewriting an essay again :s

Holy fuck knuckles.

:))

And LJ is just way too distracting :))

I'm reading all of pussy's entries and i'm like "/:) You remind me of me."

:| I wonder if the whole merry and pippin thing is to blame here. Can you imagine those two in school /:)

:))

:))!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a funny mental image

:))

:O

CAN YOU IMAGINE CAT AND I IN SCHOOL TOGETHER

:))

:))

We would pass notes.

Dear Cat,
*insert crude picture of self and one of the hobbits*
Jealous?
\:D/
Love Cher

ANd then our hot teacher would catch us and we'd be punished >:)

>:)

Our hot teacher can be Michael Vartan. Just cause he makes a good shakespeare teacher \:D/@never been kissed.

-.- I'm never going to finish at this rate :))

:)) I find it amusing that pussy and i were procrastinating with the same Sarkney fic

:))

Dude...

But that fic was goooooood.

*dies on sark*

*dies on sydney*

*dies on sarkney*

I'm so tired...i want to go to bed...i don't want to catch the 9am train.

Whyyyyy

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Only 1400 words to go :D

\:D/

And my feet are really cold...I'm going to get socks. :D I should block all alias pages from my browser 8-| It's such a distraction. -.-

:))!

My feet are cold and my teeth hurt.

-Sark’s presence creates a great ambiance. His disinterest in Sloane’s petty games, his boredom, his blasé demeanor, all fashion a strange mystique. He’s just so unimpressed it’s spectacular.

:D

You know....he's not unimpressed by me >:) *dies on sark* *dies on alias* *just dies*

:))

Without a second thought he reaches in and kisses her, SIG dropped to the floor and he is jolted. From head to toe he is jolted by the sweet good innocence of her lips brushing against him. He feels her grip on her guns slacken but its not even a concern, the guns, so long as she lets him keep kissing her.

And then her guns are gone too, on the dresser, her hands reaching up to curve around his neck and pull him down into her. It occurs to Sydney that this is wrong, kissing Sark, but no more wrong than probably a half dozen other crimes she's committed without even knowing it. And she doesn't care as the sugary sweet sandpaper of his tongue rasps against the seam of her lips. She lets him in, taking all that he will give and giving in return as his hands stroke up and down her back through the thin cotton shirt. He pulls her flush against him, electricity humming through the length of their joined bodies, eyes closed completely trusting in this one moment.

thud

THUD

)*(#%&@#)(%&@# THUD

-.-

*dies a million deaths*

-.- this is what i have to deal with. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Brett Davis. The man hunting me down.

Brett: ahh but shorly u can fit in a few partys

Cher to Riley:

With a variable key you unlock the house in which drifts the snow of that left unspoken says:
DO YOU SEE THAT SPELLING
With a variable key you unlock the house in which drifts the snow of that left unspoken says:
@)#(%&*)@#%*(
With a variable key you unlock the house in which drifts the snow of that left unspoken says:
SHORLY?!?!?!?! hahahhaahhahah
With a variable key you unlock the house in which drifts the snow of that left unspoken says:
oh fuck me

Riley to Cher:

Riley - 8 sec naturally aspirated VK commmodore in the new street machine (Single Carby!!!), HA HA take that Japan!!! says:
yeh he is a dumb dumb man
Riley - 8 sec naturally aspirated VK commmodore in the new street machine (Single Carby!!!), HA HA take that Japan!!! says:
lol go out wid him cher
Riley - 8 sec naturally aspirated VK commmodore in the new street machine (Single Carby!!!), HA HA take that Japan!!! says:
u could stand to get a bit dumber any way

:-L that is not funny Riley.

:))

I feel bad for Riley :( He's giong through a rough patch :( I wish there was more i could do to help him out. How do you get your friends a job? :( I wish i knew. *skips off to shower*

Holy shit meyerhold had some amazing fucking sets.

SHitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

I want to act on that stage :(

*flails*

IT IS SO BIG

AND THE SET IS SO O.o GRAND!

:D

*skips off*

I want a smoke but i can't breathe.

well i can

but not well

i want to fly away.

flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I want to go see beth.

four seasons in one day lying in the depths of your imagination worlds above and worlds below the sun shines on the black clouds hanging over your domain even when you're feeling warm the temperature could drop away like four season in one day smiling ast he shit comes down you can tell a man from what he has to say everything gets turned around and i will risk my neck again again you can take me where you will up the creek and through the mill like all the things you can't explain and four seasons in one day blood dries up like rain like rain fills my cup like four seasons in one day doesn't pay to make predictions sleeping on an unmade bed finding out wherever there is comfort there is pain only one step away like four seasons in one day blood dries up like rain like rain fills my cup like four seasons in one day

*huffs*

i'm going to bed...not to sleep. never to sleep. I don't know how to sleep anymore.

Just lie in my guilt bed hahahah i've named it guiltbed. Because i lie there and feel guilty till the early hours of the morning.

fun.

So...O.o my foot is really munt.

I got the stitches out yesterday and it's...the wound is brown O.o;;; the open bit i mean not the stitched bit. That bit is fine. :| Fuck man. Even the dr. was like "O.o you're so lucky we didn't have to amputate" )(@%*)@#*()@#*( %AMPUTATE?!?!??!?

-.-

fucking hell.

Like i need to ehar that shit.

I remember the surgeon saying to me "If you hadn't been wearing your seatbelt you'd be dead" and then the x-ray guy said "If your windscreen had of smashed you'd be dead"

Good.

Thank you.

Very good.

So i'm....hmmm....I just did this huge reflection on something em said to me earlier in my real life journal. Out of respect to whoever involved i wrote it in there. And i feel really shitty now.

I mean...i feel good...i got a lot of work done today. But now i feel shitty. I realised that i am a bad person when it comes to...priorities. Mine are in the wrong place. The day after my accident I should have gone to uni and done my seminar. But i didn't. ANd today, i should have gone to the library to get research but i didn't cause i was coughing up blood....but dude...blood is blood...i felt fine. I could have gone. I feel like i make these excuses for myself and...you know at the time it feels good and i'm like "hurrah" and celebrating avoidance of whatever issue but...essentialy i'm the one that is lucking out you know?

Gah i feel so shit.

I still can't eat properly 8-| My body is a mess. Outside and in. I've eaten a total of one bowl of noodles since Saturday...it's what? Wednesday today. I just can't swallow food. My throat is so swollen and sore. And i'm really fucken hungry. Even the medication i'm on is hurting to take. And i'm just )@%*)@#%*

At least i can say i'm balanced.

Emotionally i'm fucked up.
Physically i'm fucked up.
Socially i'm fucked up.

Lucky me. Balancerific. 8-|

I hate the way that after something happens....only then do i realise what i want to say and word it hte way i wnat to word it. That annoys me. I find it inside me and it's too late.

I hate the way nothing goes right in my life. Hah.

Where does it begin?

1. Panic attack 14 august.
2. Dad is sick 25 August.
3. Job gets screwy due to assessment timetables 1 September
4. Birthday ohhh hurrah. 10 September
5. Crash my car, injure myself OH and lets not forget i fucked up zoe and riley who were both starting new jobs the next day. Well done cher. At least we know you're good at ruining lives. I don't even know the date of that one.
6. Miss seminar without medical certificate...the day after the crash.
7. Hand assignment in to wrong office thus resulting in loss of assignment 23 September
8. Get work hours back to normal 27 September
9. Get incredibly sick 27 September PM thus once again fucking up work hours, border line fired.
10. Wake up to best friend fucking her ex boyfriend...BESIDE YOU -.- 27 September PM
11. Continue to be sick from 28 Septmber - Current.
12. Realise that you are the worlds biggest fuck up in the eyes of someone you considered your closest friend today.

Oh hurrah.

Life is peachy eh?

peachy fucking keen.

So why the fuck do i continue? I mean seriously? What is the point. I fucking lived a month of hell. Look at that fucking month. Fuck. And ehre i am plodding along. Handing in an assignment that WONT EVEN COUNT TO A MARK but still i slave my ass off for no reason.

Seriously...what is the fucking point...

Tomorrow i'm waking up and i'm going to uni and i'm researching...for no reason. Seriously this past month has given me no reason to enjoy myself.

I wish i wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

No wait, i don't, i wouldn't have felt anything then.

I wish the windscreen did break.

&()@#%*@()#%&@#%&()@#%*

I wish things would go fucking right for once.

How fucking long do i ahve to just fuckign absorb every bad thing that happens in my life.

>.<

How fucking long do i have to live with myself?

how long do i have to hide my tears from everyone...including myself.

i can't be strong anymore. i can't be who people want me to be.

I just can't.

Because i'm given no reason.

I'm not seeing any fucking reward from the hard work i do...

i just god i want to start over...i want everythign to start over. I want my life to start over so i can just walk away when i know things start going bad.

just so i can walk away.

FUCKING HELL I AM SO FUCKING HUNGRY FOR FUCK SSAKE

How much am i in love iwth sam?

I won't be anyone's excuse to cry says:
I love you sammy ahhaha fuck man you crack me up
PILATES OF THE CARRIBEAN! says:
I love you too cher
PILATES OF THE CARRIBEAN! says:
when can we make love again by the firefly lit sky
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry says:
i do not know my dearest
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry says:
but i yearn for that very night
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry says:
:((
PILATES OF THE CARRIBEAN! says:
I will die fulfilled if i die that night
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry says:
:O *holds hand to head* Goodness gracious me, you flatter me so.
PILATES OF THE CARRIBEAN! says:
well you fulfill me so
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry says:
Ohhhhh, your naughty naughty talk makes me oh so flustered
PILATES OF THE CARRIBEAN! says:
oh i will fluster you in places no one else flusters you!

I won't be anyone's excuse to cry says:
:O
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry says:
Sammy! *fans self*

I finished two essays today. I have four due next week. About 500 words left on one and fleshing out on the last one. So Theatre History Brecht reflection essay is done, Studies in Directing Vsevolod Meyerhold techniques essay is done, Australian ConspiraciesLong Way to the Top Conspiracies essay is almost done and Technical Theatre Technical practices essay needs fleshing out. And Australian Conspiracies Seminar needs refreshing.

So....Theatre History I will hand in tomorrow.

Studies in Directing is due Monday.
Australian Conspiracies is due next Friday but needs to be ready by Monday for conferencing \:D/ which it will be
Tech Theatre is due Wednesday
annnnd i'm still waiting on the date for my Aust Conspiracies seminar.

I'm glad i have these all under control because my acting block starts next week and i'm going to be seriously pressed for time. :s I mean really fucken pressed. So yeah \:D/ I'm an overstressed winner. But hey it's worth it. I'm doing well.

Dude holy fuck sam just sent me the funniest picture of himself :O HOLY SHIT *RUNS TO UPLOAD IT SOMEWHERE*

Ok dude these are both reallllllllllly bad shots of him hahahaha poor sammy. But this is the most recent one, taken last week. :)) I bought him that beanie \:D/

( Present Sammy )

:)) and this is sam with orange hair

*tsks*

no sam, no.

( Past Sammy )

So yeah i'm going to go and see if i can finish this conspiracies essay before bed. :D :O And i finished my drug!fic. Dear god that was emotionally draining :( But i love it *strokes it* Ohhhh yehhhh.

:D